To be or not to be.

As im sitting in my chair with my nose pack on my nose to dry, im at war with my thoughts. To be a leader for next year or not to be? I suck at praying so even though i want to pray about it, it never comes to me naturally so it pretty much never happens. How sad is that, I want to pray but it's one of the most hardest things for me to do-_-. Awful i know. So here's the deal, im going to be superrr busy next year. School is going to be the death of me, i still have math120...2 sem of foreign lang...physio...microbio..organic chem..and other nitty gritty classes that other colleges require in order for me to even apply...And the downfall, different schools require diff. classes so i dont even know where to start:( So for me to be a full time student and work because i have too and not because i want to and on top of that be a possible leader again?? I dont want to overfill my plate like i did last sem... that was hellish for me, i was the most unhappiest person in the world. I dont want to make the same mistake for the upcoming semesters again..that's only going to put me in an overworked rutt. And to not be a leader is soooo weird, i want to serve people, and i dont mind being a helping hand..leadership has grown on me where it has somewhat become a part of me that its almost painful to let go, but deep inside i know or feel that i have to let go. I feel like i have to let go in order to get my schooling back on tract and actually finish within a year without any disruptions or such and such. It sucks even more cause i dont know if i'll come back my senior year and possibly serve again.. That would mean that i would have only served one year out of my whole college stay in e-college... that sorta makes me sad. I love e-college i really do, its one ministry that has opened so many new doors spiritually and has given me a chance to grow. I dont know what to, situations like these kill my brain cell.