I had an "Aha!" moment.

I was in the shower, and I was thinking. Thinking about my life, where I am as a person, my goals, my future, my everything. Stressed as can be, I do nothing but worry about everything. Life, why is it so hard? Why does everything have to be like 10 times harder than everyone else's? When their lives on handed to them on a silver platter, I feel like I have to work extra hard. It's okay tho, because I have constantly told myself that I am stronger than the average bear and that when it comes to life, I can pretty much handle anything and everything that life may have to offer. But, if there is one thing that I constantly lose to, I would have to say that it's my thoughts with my nursing career. Why is it so hard? Why is God closing all these doors on me? Why is it taking so long for me to become a nurse? blah blah blah. Then it struck me, or shall I say, God struck me. All this time I worried about my life, and how I'm going to succeed thru only my own will power, never have I put God first. You can want something so badly and work your butt off for it, but if God isn't even part of it, then he will surely take it away. I guess I have to admit, Nursing > God. In a way it had become my idol, and as I think about it now, I think the reason why everything isn't working out for me is because God needs to be the center of it. Of course God wants to be my everything and yet here I am making my nursing goals my everything, of course he's going to take it away of course of course of course! So here I am, understanding fully of my sinful heart. God, I really want to lift this up to you. I have set such high goals and expectations of myself without even consulting with you about any of it. I pray and hope that nursing is something that you do have in store for me, but I will no longer put it before you. I hope to seek and find God in everything now...and with this, God first and nursing second. Whatever He says, goes.