Developmental Psychology.

As I studied for my last final, which is Dev Psy, it made me think a lot. It made me scared, scared to age. Scared to reach an age where you're just old. Shivers. But as I continue on with my studies, I reach the chapter on death. Studying for this final has put a damper in my mood. I realized this, death with surely come, and one and out one will surely die. But as I continue on studying the stages of death, I cant help but be reminded of my grandpa's death. At that moment, everything was so vivid, I couldn't feel anything but sadness. Seeing the tears on others only brought more tears to my eyes. At that moment I told myself that I would never forget the man that I loved more than anything, and I promised that his death would never stop me from forgetting him. I promised myself and his soul that I would visit his grave everyday. I made so many promises to the man that I loved only to come to a point where I realized that I have broken every promise that I made to myself and to him. When he died, I had so many emotions, emotions that I cannot express in words. But as days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years, I am at this point where I almost hate myself. The tears slowly stopped, my memories of him slowly got pushed back into the back of my head, and the constant yearning slowly stopped as well. I dont remember the last time I visited his grave, its been a while, I realized I dont like going there. Its flat land where your loved ones are suppose to be, but the only thing that represents them is a plaque on the ground. I let myself forget, and I thought I was going to miss him everyday. There are times when I dont even think about my grandpa for months. For this I am sorry.
So is that what death is? Everyone you love is sad at that very moment, but as time goes on, you become nothing but a memory pushed in the back of someon'e head. Sometimes I wonder if my grandpa is mad at me, because if there was one person that wasnt suppose to forget it was suppose to be me.