Who needs a man when I've got God.

Who on God's green earth would have thought i would come to such a conclusion? Hellooooo, if you dont know me, i'm a bit on the boy crazy side. But, after hearing Pastor Jeff's sermon on singlehood it really struck me. My lightbulb in my head lit up. At first, when he says somewhere along the line of enjoy your singlehood and be in a relationship with God before you get in a relationship with someone else i was skeptical. No body wants to be single for goodness sakes. Its a crappy feeling. This what gets me the most, when couples go to an amusement park (ie. disneyland) and they hold hands take couple pics, and give each other kisses here and there...i get so jealous. Eff dude, i just want to kick them and tell them to go somewhere else. Like awayyyy from my view. I mean i guess it doesnt suck all the time, but im pretty sure people want someone to hang out with on another level, hold hands with, kiss (that part is optional) etc. But as i continually thought about the singlehood passage, it made me realize that my relationship with God has to be good first before anything else. And with that being said, i started to long for that intimate relationship with Him. Im not so sad that im not in a relationship anymore, i feel quite alright to be honest. So yes, Ashley Chin does not need a man as of now because an intimate relationship with God is much more important than any worthless relationship. I will find happiness in God instead of seeking happiness thru a man-made relationship. (i'm not bashing those already in a relationship with a guy/girl, honestly, im quite happy for you). I will wait for the God-made relationship. I have no doubt God will provide only the best for me. I will continually seek him and when the time is right, then surely he will let me go. The longing of a bf that ive been feeling for so long isnt really there anymore. I long for a relationship with God more than anything else right now. I think i'll make a "future husband list". And God and I will discuss this list, and in the mean time, we should all pray for our future loves.

It's me again.

Hi, its been a while since ive written on my blog. If you read my past blogs i struggled to regain my happiness. To be quite honest, they seem really depressing. As i reflect back on it, i was super unhappy and i am convinced that i was going thru some sort of depression! Praise God that im slowly but surely finding myself again. Its been a super hard year for me. My grades have suffered tremendously because of that. BUT my optimistic point of view that i told myself to have is still with me. Although im still going thru things, its not bringing me down as it used to. Im still able to find happiness thru it all. And for that i am so thankful and glad. Im starting to find joy in studying and going to school again. I feel like i've found my true self again. Ashley Chin does not give up. This feeling is such a good feeling. My grades have been back up like they used to be and that motivates me to do that much better in school. My walk with God has been slowly getting better as well. My heart was so hard, but i feel like God is slowly cracking away all the hardness to reveal my softness again. I yearn to have a relationship with him again. To be intimate with him again is really all i want. I wanted a bf so bad, but now, that feeling has been replaced with the feeling to be close to God. To be in a relationship with him. A good relationship with God will only lead to a Good relationship with my future bf. I will wait for God to provide. I reflect back, and in my unhappiness i was such a bitch to people. I mean i know i can come off that way still but now its playful(i hope i havent offended anyone). I really want to apologize if my unhappiness has brought you down at some point. I feel like the relationships that were lost from last year have some fault on my behalf. I was so unhappy, everything was annoying, and with this unhappy heart i think i drove away some of my relationships with people and for that i am sorry and sad. It was so hard for me to find joy in anything and nothing really mattered to me, but thank you to the friends who have stayed with me even thru whatever mess i was going thru. Ive also been doing Qt's and im currently reading the book of John. I never liked doing Qt's cause i felt like i never got anything out of it, but these past few Qt's have been such a blessing. Especially the last Qt that i did, it really made me want to give everything up to God and go where ever he leads me. I only hope that from here on out i continue to have this mentality. It feels good to have accountabily from my fellow recomm leaders, because of them i am doing Qt's as much as i can and reading the bible. I love them and i am thankful for them. I am very blessed to be surronded by the people i am surrounded with and to be where i am at this point as well. This feels good.